Tuesday, May 4, 2010

ALA's Top 10 List of Blatant American Stoopidity

Yeah, I said it. You're damn stoopid for challenging a book's existence in a library or petitioning it get banned or restricted. You're stoopid for trying to stifle people's First Amendment rights. You're stoopid for trying to snuff out the flame of reading in a child. What's wrong with you? Yeah, you, book challenger. What's wrong with you?

The American Library Association's released their top 10 most challenged books of 2009 and it's a bucket of head-smashing fun! Proof positive that the people that challenge books don't actually read them -
5. Twilight (series) by Stephenie Meyer
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group
Attention-getting mine. Pillow-biting is sexually explicit, huh? Can somebody call Ron Jeremy, please? Someone needs some learning. If Twilight's sexually explicit, then I'm Lindsay Lohan.

God, people. At least READ the damn things so you don't make yourself look like a complete tool when you petition to kick its ass out of the local library for good. As if challenging a book isn't inherently tool-like. And Tom Sawyer is racist, right? *headdesk*

Do you know the reason why I bought ttfn by Lauren Myracle from my local library's book sale? Solely because it's shown up on the banned books list for the past few years now. That's it. I wanted to see what was "so bad" about it, read: I wanted to see what those idiots were complaining about now. OMG, teens having sex? Nooooooooooooooo . . .

I can't tell whether these ALA lists are a brilliant bunch of comedy or a sad state of affairs that should have me weeping for humanity. Or both. When will these damn people learn to keep their parenting to their own children? When will they learn 'Unsuited to Age Group' is as subjective as 'do I look fat in this dress?'? How about we petition to have some of their books taken away and see how they like it? Oh wait. We wouldn't do that because us smart folks wouldn't think to actually deny anyone their reading material of choice, ever. Because we understand that everyone has different tastes and not every book appeals to every person.

Love thy neighbor.*

*So long as they're not reading tasteless kiddie smut about them homos.

11 comments:

Adriana said...

That's hilarious! If anything Twilight is all be abstinent or you'll die! It is really "stoopid" to ban books because it mentions sex like teens haven't seen worse. A teen is more likely to read a banned book, so at least it will get them reading something.

In my town one of the teachers got "Bless, Me Ultima" taken off the required reading because it was
"anti-christian". I just thought it was boring. There was this whole drama that went on because of that book. This whole banning books thing is ridiculous. Anyways, I think I'll go off to re-read some more Harry Potter and brush up on my Satanism while doing so.

Helen's Book Blog said...

So well put! Whenever you really want someone to read something, try banning it!

Simon said...

Twilight's a mormon's wet dream, what are they talking about?

Life After Jane said...

I challenge Twilight for being the book you MOST wanted there to be sex in and there being so little sex that it actually went into the negative. -7.5 on the sex scale.

Why does this list even exist? Why do we still care what bible thumping soccer moms who have way too much time on their hands still think? We still challenge books and cut art/music programs in schools and everyone wonders why we have so many idiots. Maybe I'm just too busy WORKING to care about finding books to question. I think we should be thankful that people can at least read and so long as they are reading who cares what it is.

I am angry now. Before coffee. Let's write a book about gay, bi-racial, drug using, satan worshippers, who date vampires and do the nasty in the library. It'll be a best seller. Unless this book already exists in which case please email me the title.

RagDollVampGirl said...

How Stoopid!! I Can't Believe Any Of Those Books Made That List! And Don't They Make You Read To Kill A Mocking Bird In High School?? How Dare They?! They're So Ridiculus I Can't Even Laugh. And Twilight Had Maybe 0.00% Sexuality In It!! Yea, She Did Sleep With Her Husband, But It Was Written Out Like Some Over-Sexed Adult Novel!! I Love How They Want To Get Rid Of Books That Seem More Realistic Then Half Of The YA Out There. Like The TTYL Series. How Much More Real And Raw Could You Get Than That?? And They're Saying It's Innapproproiate.. Real Stoopid!

Cheyanne Young said...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Kids who actually sit down to read about bad stuff are just reading about it.

The kids who don't read are the ones off DOING the bad stuff.

jessjordan said...

Twilight makes me laugh every time I see it on this list. Sexually explicit? Pffft ... If My Little Pony is sexually explicit. And religious viewpoint? WTF? If you're going to challenge this one, challenge it for a legitimate reason.

And My Sister's Keeper? WTH? Is it b/c of the depressing-as-shit ending (that the movie totally got wrong)? B/c otherwise, I just don't get it. Oh no, wait ... there might've been a mild sex scene. My. Bad.

The ones about homosexuality ... I can't even talk about it, b/c it makes me want to put my fist into a wall. I am so SICK of discrimination, and it disgusts me that this is the sole reason at least one of these books was challenged.

To Kill A Mockingbird challenged due to rascism. Hmm ... to be fair, I somehow graduated w/o reading this one, but as I recall from the movie, I actually learned rascism is bad. So um ... yeah.

The Color Purple was the only literary book I read in high school that I really enjoyed. It made me cry, I was so moved. And I wasn't an easily movable kid. So go ahead, challenge something eye-opening that may actually expand a child's world view a little.

It cracks me up in a sad, sad way that some of these books are on the list, while the Gossip Girl series was dropped. Talk about language and sex! (I still wouldn't ban it, don't get me wrong.)

Heaven forbid we breed a society of children with tolerance, with respect for others viewpoints, with first amendment rights.

But go ahead. Challenge away. We all know how interest spikes when a book is challenged ...

jessjordan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jessjordan said...

p.s. Sorry. I get a little soap-boxy about banned/challenged books.

Mrs. DeRaps said...

And Catcher in the Rye? I mean, c'mon. I love that book but "unsuited to age group"? I'm a teacher and I hear kids complain that it's too hard and waaay boring. Maybe that's what they mean? In that case, I can think of a few other classics that should be on this list for causing widespread narcolepsy!

Donna said...

Yeah, you can't help but just shake your head. I mean, why not read the book so you have a valid opinion of it instead of basing your ignorant opinion off of seven other people's ignorant opinions about what a book is?

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