Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

First published in 2007.

As Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge, Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward and her friendship with Jacob - knowing her decision has the potential to ignite the ageless struggle between vampire and werewolf. With her graduation quickly approaching, Bella has one more decision to make: life or death. But which is which? (book flap blurb)

At this point I’m finding it hard to not be redundant in my reviews of this series. Everything that I’ve said regarding characters and personalities and plot all stand except everything’s magnified, amplified, blown up and whatever other synonym you want to use.

Bella is perpetually helpless, perpetually under attack and perpetually self-deprecating. Edward is perpetually helpful, perpetually there to save the day and perpetually reassuring. It must be all those years of vampiric patience. I wonder how many centuries it’ll take for the “you’re better than me” putz Bella is constantly spewing out to wear thin. Will love survive such endless, backwards-hair-rubbing cycles? I’m hard-pressed to think she’ll get over it any time soon. That is unless she becomes “OMG beautiful!” once she becomes a vampire like she hopes to. Why? So she can stand next to Edward and feel like she belongs there. Three f*^$^%( books of this so far. He’s stuck around this long but obviously that’s not enough. Neither is the drippy goo love. I think sacrificial goats are in order for Edward to start proving himself since she’s obviously not getting it.

And now Jacob is persistently and stalkerly vying for Bella’s attention. He even comes thisclose to a werewolf rapist. Any guy that confuses the “get the hell away from me” face and subsequent actions for “OMG ravage me you big burly wolf” needs to be kept as far away from the opposite sex as humanly (har) possible. The kicker, when Charlie realizes that Bella broke her hand when punching Jacob for forcing the kiss, he laughs. Yeah, laughs and starts making fun of her. I don’t think Jacob realizes that if that were me, losing his lips would be at the lightest end of the spectrum for what would be coming to him. What father, in his right mind, would laugh and take sides with the forceful schmuck that tried to manhandle his daughter? Oh sure, he comes back over the fact how many chapters later, “but seriously, honey” she shouldn’t allow that. Oh bite me. My dad would have torn him apart with his bare hands for even considering the thought let alone for me breaking my hand trying to get away from him. Are you serious? I so hope he doesn’t own a “#1 Dad” mug. If he does, someone should break it.

I don’t know what’s worse: that or Carlisle actually recommending to Edward that they dope Bella with morphine so they can have sex without her being in pain. Seriously? He damn near recommends Edward date-rape her? Really? And girls are swooning? O_o

I don’t get it. I really don’t. These books aren’t deep enough to “read deeply” into. All this is right there on the surface but OMG glittery Edward takes precedence, apparently. Befuddled would be a good adjective for me right now. So would spork. Lots and lot of spork. Or for those not familiar with the newer term, the older one would be MST3000 or Mystery Science Theater 3000. For now I have things like this. I couldn’t find the original on the Head Trip site. But there’s this as well even though I haven’t read the last book yet. Still giggles-worthy.

I will say one thing good about this book - Bella finally mentions something she likes about Edward other than his looks. It was something along the lines of 'he's a nice guy.' It was only the one time but it's there . . . and right back to "I love him because he's beautiful" again. So he loves her because she smells like heroin and she loves him because he's hard as a rock (O_o) and is the most gorgeous thing on the planet. True love, huh? I think I can find something deeper on Rock of Love.

I really don't think it's surprising that I've waited this long to finish the series. I don't know about you but uterus-noshing isn't too high up on my things to read. It'll get read, when I get around to it. For now the spine is staring at me like a big, looming chess piece of doom. Check.



ralfast said...

Isn't Bella dad the town sheriff? Because if he can't even protect his own daughter from rape, then that most be the worse town to be a woman in the U.S.

Donna said...

Yup. The man's an empty uniform. I've heard from other people that Charlie doesn't exhibit a cop personality. I don't doubt it. I don't know what purpose he serves as a cop other than extra information in the first book but there you go.

ralfast said...

Talk about not shooting anyone with the rifle left on the stage. Remind me again why these novels are so popular?

Donna said...

Um . . . I think it has something to do with Edward.

Stormy said...

Every time I try and argue the point with someone who reads the books, I feel as though I'd be better off smashing my head into a brick wall.

At work, we had a team meeting a couple of weeks ago with a "know your team better" Q&A. Four people said that the Twilight books were their favourite. Four. A third of a team. I think I cried. Or maybe they were tears of rage.

There was a girl reading BD in the breakroom the other day raving about how me and this other guy should read it.

"But it teaches little girls that stalking is romantic!"

Cue her going. o_o "Who's stalking who?"

"Edward. First book. Watches her sleep. Follows her everywhere."

"But that was ages ago, they're married now."

*tiny brain splosion as I try and figure out how that makes it better*


"And the fact that Bella defines herself solely by her boyfriend?" (Yes I paraphrased your review at her)

She shrugs. "I know that if I had a chance to be a vampire, I'd-"

*at this point, I retreat to my happy place*

ralfast said...

The empty suit Vampire? I guess it fits. He is the perfect man because he is not a man at all, just a chalk outline on the ground, with fangs.

Donna said...

Stormy, I think my ears would have started bleeding if I were in your shoes.

Raf, that's an awesome image! I must photoshop that.

ralfast said...

Really? Hey what do you, I may have a knack for this writing thing after all!


ralfast said...

I think this guy said it best.


Donna said...

That comic is awesome, Raf! So true!

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