The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Published 2009.

Quentin Coldwater is brilliant but miserable. A high school math genius, he's secretly fascinated with a series of children's fantasy novels set in a magical land called Fillory, and real life is disappointing by comparison. When Quentin is unexpectedly admitted to an elite, secret college of magic, it looks like his wildest dreams may have come true. But his newfound powers lead him down a rabbit hole of hedonism and disillusionment, and ultimately to the dark secret behind the story of Fillory. The land of his childhood fantasies turns out to be much darker and more dangerous than he ever could have imagined . . . (book back blub)

This book was pegged as HARRY POTTER for adults. If by HARRY POTTER they meant that a seemingly ordinary boy gets admitted to a school for magical folk, then yes, it's HARRY POTTER-esque. But that's where the similarities end. THE MAGICIANS felt like it was a bastardization of THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA as written by Faulkner while throwing up at the end of a long night. If you don't get the Faulkner reference, there isn't a story of his where alcohol doesn't have a very prominent presence. It's EVERYWHERE in THE MAGICIANS. I don't have a problem with that but, well, Grossman isn't Faulkner. I'm not some literary snoot or anything but let's face it, 'Hills Like White Elephants' is pretty epic. THE MAGICIANS is, well, not.

I was so disappointed in this book, moreso than probably any other book I've read. I was a fan of roughly one and a half characters of the ensemble cast that did nothing but pity themselves, drink too much, screw up each others' lives and then get everything handed to them, which they would then complain about. Alice, while a bit of a mouse, ended up being the best out of all of them, and by a pretty large margin. She was strong where the others were extraordinarily weak and saw the good in everyone with hardly a complaint. She was followed not-too-closely by Josh who really didn't do much except exhibit erratic magical ability but he wasn't an asshole so he gets kudos in my book. The rest? Janet was a twat that I was rooting for to die by the end of it. Eliot's a petulant child that held absolutely no interest to me and Richard was your stereotypical suede elbows academic that really needed to just shut the hell up. And Quentin? I have never seen a character pity himself so much in my life. Oh woe is him for how absolutely shitty his life is despite the fact he never did a damn thing to earn a better one. I HATED Quentin and that poses a pretty major problem considering he's the main effing character. He wasn't even endearing in his douchery. He was just a dick that projected his issues onto everyone else and barely took responsibility for anything he did.

I almost gave up on the book just past the halfway point simply because it was plotless. I had no idea where the story was going and I couldn't even fathom an educated guess. Quentin went through school, made friends, graduated and then went insane with drinking, drugs and sex. And then . . . ? No and then! The plot itself doesn't actually make an appearance until just past the halfway point where the kids get off their self-indulgent asses and do something with themselves. But when they did they didn't actually earn anything they got, or survived. Other people did the fighting for them, a deus ex machina comes in just before the climax to save them and the story kicks itself in the nuts and ruptures a testicle when it makes a sacrifice that NO ONE is appreciative of. What am I supposed to find appealing about this, exactly? These kids get everything, earn none of it and then complain about their lives the entire fucking time. For the love of god . . .

In the beginning I was roped in. I liked the voice. That was probably the best part of the book. The overall tone and self-deprecating air the voice took hooked me in. But when Quentin didn't stop complaining and he made some really crappy friends and the story was aimless for half the book and Quentin was still complaining and completely screwing up his life but blaming other people for it and never ultimately took responsibility for himself but kept on complaining, the voice was drowned out. You can't support a cube with a toothpick, you know.

The world itself was insubstantial. I get that with literary stuff it's much more character-driven but what could have been great opportunities to make the world Quentin was in a little more dynamic, it was brushed aside with horribly bland and sterile description to focus on what kind of wine they were drinking. By the end of the book I felt like the world wasn't in focus, either the Brakebills world or Fillory. In HARRY POTTER the world was its own character. In THE MAGICIANS, it felt like the world didn't matter. The magic was just the tool and didn't need to be explained. As a reader, I just needed to know it was there and that was enough. This world worked differently, I didn't need details. Well, yeah, I do. I didn't give a flying fuck what kind of wine they were drinking or who was screwing who (since it was ultimately irrelevant to the plot, for the most part). What the hell was the world like? Okay, so there's finger-waving and some words and poof, magic happens. And then . . . ? No and then! Fillory's another world that's really green with some talking animals. And then . . . ? No and then! I kept waiting for the world to be expounded upon just a little more and I never got it. But I could tell you what kind of noises Alice made during sex. Right.

I just felt that where there should have been more detail there was next to none and where there was far too much I could have lived without the majority of it. I couldn't stand the majority of the characters, they didn't earn anything they got and the story skimmed from one cover to the other without me really giving a crap. I didn't feel this lived up to the hype at all. Then again comparing it to the likes of HARRY POTTER probably hurt it more in my eyes than anything else. If you want something like HARRY POTTER, then just read HARRY POTTER and then go read some HP smutfic when you're done if you want some sex in it.

Literary ultimately isn't my thing but I can appreciate a good story when I read it. This didn't even have that. And I know literary is much more character-driven than non-literary. But these characters really sucked. So maybe I "didn't get it." I'm sure others will. But if this is what HARRY POTTER for adults is, I'll just stick to HARRY POTTER. Thanks.

Ban Factor: High - due to the general shitting on Christianity, presence of magic and magicians, sex, profanity and drinking

Blog Tour - Merlin's Harp by Anne Eliot Crompton

First published in 1995, re-published March, 2010 by Sourcebooks.

Nivienne never thought she'd be in direct contact with barbaric Humans - let alone help them. She's only heard stories of the evil that occurs outside the forest. But her dear friend Merlin has brought word that Arthur's kingdom - where Humans dwell - is threatened by the Saxons. If Nivienne doesn't help it, it could be the end for her own peaceful home. Nivienne must now learn to trust the Humans and her heart. Even more difficult than going to war alongside your enemies is discovering you are falling in love with them. (book back blurb)

Well this was, um . . . not good. Really, at all. I don't think it's ever taken me so long to read a book so short. Like wading through snow up to my hips. It's so overwrought and drowning in such flowery language that it's hard to connect to anything that's going on in the story. I often found myself having read a page without really reading it and only skimming it when I went back over it.

To Crompton's credit, she stuck very closely to faerie lore which is to her benefit but even greater to her disadvantage. Because she stuck so closely to the lore, I felt nothing for Nivienne. Faeries are traditionally heartless and don't emote as humans do. That certainly came through in the reading but at the same time it also made me not give a crap about Nivienne. And so help me if she said, "I, Nivienne," one more time, I was going to put my hand through the pages and slap her. I get it goes with the tone of the writing but it's overwritten so, to me, it was just annoying.

Plus Nivienne constantly refers to herself as brown. Maybe my eyes aren't working correctly but fish lips on the cover is a white girl. And can I say how much I hate it when people purposely push out their lips in a vain attempt to make them look fuller? The Olsen twins do it all the time. Makes me want to throw things at them and see if I can get them to stick.

But more to the story, the whole Saxon war I felt was glazed over. I was three quarters of the way through the book before I realized that we'd already moved beyond that. For me, the focus of the story wasn't quite right and what was being talked about was secondary to the greater problem going on in the background. The characters just kind of glided through their surroundings as if they were inconsequential and didn't matter to their greater scope of things. The urgency of the Saxon threat in the blurb is unfounded in the story and barely appears to make a dent in the consciousness of the characters.

It didn't help that the text was, within chapters, non-linear. Nivienne kept having these sort of flashbacks where she'd go off on tangents about what happened in her past because something in the present reminded her of it. It started to ebb towards the end but it was really prevalent in the beginning. I often found myself having to read back a few paragraphs because I'd realize that I had missed a time jump. Very jarring and interrupting. That's one of the motivating issues I had with getting into the story aside from not connecting with Nivienne.

The best part was the last few chapters where Arthur and Mordred got into it. It's really the only part that's not completely glossed over with insubstantial nothing. I think if that part of the story was more played up, not only would Nivenne have become a more well-rounded character, it would have made the story stronger. I got to see facets of Nivenne in those few scenes that were absent the entire story (presumably because of her Fey nature) that I really liked. But too little too late, really.

Overall, I really appreciate that Crompton kept so close to the lore even though it was detrimental to the success of the main character. I liked how she played with the King Arthur legend and made it her own. Other than that, I think the writing style is trying too hard and what story is there is drowned by it. The MC isn't human and thus I couldn't connect with her for 95% of the story because, for all intents and purposes, she remained emotionless. I think if the writing weren't so flowery and the story were told from someone else's perspective, or Nivienne was allowed to emote a little more, it could have been much better. As it stands, I couldn't rightly recommend this one. Read Le Morte d'Arthur. Much better.

My apologies to Paul at Sourcebooks.

Vampire Beach by Alex Duval

Omnibus featuring Bloodlust and Initiation, both first published in 2006.

Jason Freeman is stoked when his family relocates to DeVere Heights, Malibu. The kids at his posh new high school are surprisingly friendly, and pretty soon Jason's part of the in-crowd. He even gets to meet the hot-but-unattainable girl.

Then, the morning after one off-the-hook party, a girl washes up on the beach dead. There's no explanation - except a suspicious-looking bite mark on her body.

Now Jason has to admit that what you don't want to know can hurt you. And when an old friend pays him a visit, they have no idea that they're about to put themselves in mortal danger. Literally. (book back blurb)

How are you put in mortal danger theoretically? That irked me.

Anyway, I've had this book for about 10 months, I'm just getting to it now and I just realized, when I picked it up to read it, that it was an omnibus. I had no idea. Gotta love my observant self.

So we have rich kids. In Malibu. The new kid that gets accepted. Rich kids have fangs. New kid gets tossed in the middle of it. How freakin' ORIGINAL. See, when I see the words 'beach' and 'vampire' together, my mind immediately goes to The Lost Boys so when I finally picked this up (after some puttering around, I kept going to Barnes and Noble, picking it up and putting it back down) and bought it, I was half-expecting something somewhat similar. Oh silly me. I should have known this wasn't going to trend towards the good.

What a yawn fest. Seriously. Jason wants Sienna but can't have her because she's his buddy's chick but none of the other girls entice him. That is the damn focus for 2/3rds of the first book. Internal back and forth and back and forth - oh god she's so beautiful but I shouldn't want to kiss her because she's Brad's chick but I want her but I can't but I can't help myself but I have to . . . SHUT THE FUCK UP! Talk about getting totally hung up. On both books, no less.

Also in both books, absolutely nothing going on except parties and pretty people for two-thirds of them. Anything worth reading is all shoved and resolved within the last third of the book. Thank god they both only took me an hour to read each. I might have had to stick this thing in a punkin' and to some chunkin'.

The pretty, popular crowd, aka the vampires, weren't your typical rich kids. They were actually down to earth and normal, which was nice and refreshing. That refreshing quality also made them boring as shit. And they're vampires. WTF? Jason is the typical new kid without too much awkwardness, unless he's around Sienna. And he's around her a lot. They accept him but he's the cool kid for being friends with the pretty people AND guys like Adam who's a movie geek that never had an in before now. Add in the bratty sister and the overly concerned parents and you're good to ride the cliche mobile down the trope highway.

Adam had the funny lines. Jason is not a compelling character at all. The events of both books really happen around him as opposed to to him. He just ends up getting himself involved because he's the main character and he'd be even more boring than he already is if he didn't. Sienna turns out to be a little on the slutty side because what would the books be without some teenage romance angst? Dani is your typical younger sister that's as one dimensional as the page I read her on. Who else? The popular guys . . . Zach . . . cardboard. Jason's friend from Michigan, Tyler, twitchy and was pretty much the only one with potential but the author likes rapid fire and clean-cut resolution so that didn't play out like it could have. Am I missing anything? Doubt it.

Oh right. The nice vampires. That don't kill people. And can go out during the day. And donate to charity. That exist because it's a hereditary trait . . . JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. They weren't just emasculated. They didn't even have vaginas. They were just downright eunichs, neuters that needed to get back to their damn bridge game or something. Seriously. Can we cycle back in REAL vampires please? WTF is the point in being this all-powerful supernatural being if you can't even use any of it? And have to go to high school? WTF is with vampires and high school? It was cool with the original Buffy. It was still cool with the series. By now it's so tapped out that that ass is raw. Can we let it heal, please? For the sake of vampire balls? Vampires used to be something to fear. Now they're something to snuggle. *yak*

I think a little more time could have been spent tightening the plot, not to mention editing out all of the typos, than rushing two books out in a year. Quantity over quality, huh?

I'd recommend these for a beach read but, in all honesty, I don't even think they're worth that. They're just not exciting or compelling or even all that interesting to be honest. The second book definitely had more potential than the first but I'll be damned if I read yet another book where I have to wait 120 pages before anything of interest starts to happen. I guess if you feel so inclined to reading them, they'll literally only take about an hour to finish each. Dense is not the word I would use to describe these books. But really, I wouldn't waste that hour. You could be doing better things, like raking leaves.

Dark Side of the Moon by Sherrilyn Kenyon

First published in 2006.

Susan Michaels was once the hottest reporter on the Beltway Beat until a major scandal ruined her life and left her writing stories about alien babies and Elvis sightings. Life as she once knew it was over, or so she thinks, but then she gets a lead on a story that could salvage her extinct career. She heads to the local animal shelter, expecting a hot news tips, which she gets in the form of a major police cover-up . . . for a ring of soul-sucking vampires out to take over Seattle. So much for saving her credibility.

And if that isn't bad enough, she gets talked into adopting a cat and finds she's allergic to it. A cat that turns out to be a shapeshifter who claims to be an immortal vampire slayer on the prowl for the same corrupt cops. Her first thought: seek professional help.

But as Susan's drawn into Ravyn's dark and dangerous world, she comes to realize that there's a lot more at stake than just her defunct career. Now it's no longer a question of bringing the truth to her readers; it's a matter of saving their very lives and souls.

Ravyn's life was shattered over four hundred years ago, when he mistakenly trusted the wrong human with the truth of his existence. He lost his family, his honor and his life. Now, in order to save the people of Seattle, he's forced to confront the nightmare all over again, and to trust another woman with the secret that could destroy him.

In the world of Dark-Hunters, life is always dangerous. But never more so than now, when a very human woman can shatter their entire world with just one story. The only question is . . . will she? (book flap blurb)

That blurb is an excellent indicator of just what this book is. Dead horse flogging and all.

First and foremost, I had no idea I was picking up a paranormal romance novel when I snagged this from the bargain shelf at Barnes and Noble. I had heard of the author in passing but not enough to associate her to any one genre or anything like that. I just thought the book sounded interesting and it was five bucks, hardcover, so I said what the hell.

Lo and behold, all I need is the first description of a man the MC finds attractive to tell me there’s going to be some central-plot loving going on later. And the thing is, I don’t read romances. I’m sure there are some good ones out there but aside from the fact that they normally don’t interest me, this book just solidified the notion in me that I can’t stand them.

I’m sure there are much better romances out there, much better romance writers (dear god, I hope so) with realistic plotlines but picking up something like this just makes me question why my mom loves these kinds of books. She’s a Nora Roberts addict.

I can handle the romance, I really can. I don’t mind the sex. Trust me. I really don’t mind. What I can't stand is when the author relies on every freakin’ romance cliche in the book to get her point across. Again, I don’t read romance and for me to be rolling my eyes at large chunks of this text is saying something.

I almost wanted to dig the story except, right from the get-go, I wanted to punch the MC, Susan, in the face. I couldn’t stand her. Her very existence on the page felt contrived, like the writer wrote her how she wanted her written, not how the character actually wanted to be written. I think it was pretty obvious that the author was looking for a spunky, feisty little thing that could hold her own against some nasty beasties. Yawn.

And why the hell does she give laundry lists of what people are wearing? Can she describe character no other way? And why is the first thing the MC sees in a person, any person, despite the circumstances, is their looks and how good looking they are? Why? And why is everyone so good looking? I don’t know about you but if a cat turned into a naked man in my living room, I’d be thinking ‘Kill it!’ not ‘could I tingle his dingle without him noticing?’ Realism people. Say it with me now. Realism. And I’m not talking about the cat thing.

And then there’s the insufferable name Rayvn. It’s bad enough to have a female character named Raven. How emo. I’m sure she wears way too much eyeliner to boot. But to have the male love interest and secondary main character be named Rayvn, I wanted to slit his wrists for him. Why? For the love of god, why? Rayvn? That’s like spelling vampire with a y. Just take a fork and scrape it against a plate, why don’t you?

And the song dropping. It only happened twice in the book (I'm almost positive) but when they walked through the club, Susan always noticed the song and was sure to name it in her head. I can't remember the song names but one was by Nelly and the other was by Black Eyed Peas. It held absolutely no relevance to anything and was completely random, even in passing, yet they were still there. They still baffle me.

Aside from the fact that the plot was more forced than a toddler in a beauty pageant, the sex scenes were “OMG deep” (in between sneezes, that was the depth) and that I could see the whole mate thing from the second it was mentioned somewhere in the first quarter of the book even though it didn’t happen until the second to last chapter, it was the Uber God Redundant of Redundancies that was the kicker. If I had to hear about how shunned of a reporter Susan was, how alone she was, how alone Rayvn was, any of their histories or how Susan’s heart ached, cranked, squeezed or any other number of squishies her heart could do for someone, I was going to rip my hair out. Really, where was this woman’s editor?

I would say this novel defied every rule of writing I’ve learned but saying ‘defied’ can a lot of the times mean something good came out as a result. This was not good. So I will use violate. This book violated, and violently so, every piece of education on writing I’ve received in my writing history. Every single one of them. From the redundancies to all tell, no show to cookie-cutter characters with “flaws” as thick as gossamer to the inability to tell a cohesive story without wandering back into massive info-dumping mid-plot which half the time was redundant information.

Now I know this is a book in a series. According to Amazon it’s book number 10. For the love of god there are at least nine more of these? Why isn’t the writing phenomenal at this point? Why hasn’t anyone told the author to take some writing classes and fix those fatal flaws in her work?

Really, is the sex that much of a draw that people will overlook the crap? Is the story that good? Personally Susan came way too quickly for any normal human girl and the plot needed a hell of a lot of work. It has potential but it’s buried in the mediocrity of the writing.

To be fair, I had a few eye-watering moments where the emotions between Rayvn (*yak*) and Susan came close to being real but I was so quickly wrenched from those moments by the otherwise lackluster writing that I just couldn’t stay involved. I tried but in the end, I just couldn’t bring myself to care about the characters. They held no interest to me.

Remind me to consider my bargain bin purchases a little more closely next time. I want to make sure I find something with substance on the next go around.

Just a side note, this is not by any means inclusive of all romance writing. Like I said, I’m sure there’s stuff a hell of a lot better out there but unfortunately it’s crap like this that gives romance a bad name, I think anyway. I have respect for writers of all genres so long as they do what they do to the best of their ability and are capable of recognizing their own faults. If this was the best of the author’s ability, maybe it would have been better kept as a midnight fantasy told amongst friends. Like Twilight.

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer

First published in 2007.

As Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge, Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward and her friendship with Jacob - knowing her decision has the potential to ignite the ageless struggle between vampire and werewolf. With her graduation quickly approaching, Bella has one more decision to make: life or death. But which is which? (book flap blurb)

At this point I’m finding it hard to not be redundant in my reviews of this series. Everything that I’ve said regarding characters and personalities and plot all stand except everything’s magnified, amplified, blown up and whatever other synonym you want to use.

Bella is perpetually helpless, perpetually under attack and perpetually self-deprecating. Edward is perpetually helpful, perpetually there to save the day and perpetually reassuring. It must be all those years of vampiric patience. I wonder how many centuries it’ll take for the “you’re better than me” putz Bella is constantly spewing out to wear thin. Will love survive such endless, backwards-hair-rubbing cycles? I’m hard-pressed to think she’ll get over it any time soon. That is unless she becomes “OMG beautiful!” once she becomes a vampire like she hopes to. Why? So she can stand next to Edward and feel like she belongs there. Three f*^$^%( books of this so far. He’s stuck around this long but obviously that’s not enough. Neither is the drippy goo love. I think sacrificial goats are in order for Edward to start proving himself since she’s obviously not getting it.

And now Jacob is persistently and stalkerly vying for Bella’s attention. He even comes thisclose to a werewolf rapist. Any guy that confuses the “get the hell away from me” face and subsequent actions for “OMG ravage me you big burly wolf” needs to be kept as far away from the opposite sex as humanly (har) possible. The kicker, when Charlie realizes that Bella broke her hand when punching Jacob for forcing the kiss, he laughs. Yeah, laughs and starts making fun of her. I don’t think Jacob realizes that if that were me, losing his lips would be at the lightest end of the spectrum for what would be coming to him. What father, in his right mind, would laugh and take sides with the forceful schmuck that tried to manhandle his daughter? Oh sure, he comes back over the fact how many chapters later, “but seriously, honey” she shouldn’t allow that. Oh bite me. My dad would have torn him apart with his bare hands for even considering the thought let alone for me breaking my hand trying to get away from him. Are you serious? I so hope he doesn’t own a “#1 Dad” mug. If he does, someone should break it.

I don’t know what’s worse: that or Carlisle actually recommending to Edward that they dope Bella with morphine so they can have sex without her being in pain. Seriously? He damn near recommends Edward date-rape her? Really? And girls are swooning? O_o

I don’t get it. I really don’t. These books aren’t deep enough to “read deeply” into. All this is right there on the surface but OMG glittery Edward takes precedence, apparently. Befuddled would be a good adjective for me right now. So would spork. Lots and lot of spork. Or for those not familiar with the newer term, the older one would be MST3000 or Mystery Science Theater 3000. For now I have things like this. I couldn’t find the original on the Head Trip site. But there’s this as well even though I haven’t read the last book yet. Still giggles-worthy.

I will say one thing good about this book - Bella finally mentions something she likes about Edward other than his looks. It was something along the lines of 'he's a nice guy.' It was only the one time but it's there . . . and right back to "I love him because he's beautiful" again. So he loves her because she smells like heroin and she loves him because he's hard as a rock (O_o) and is the most gorgeous thing on the planet. True love, huh? I think I can find something deeper on Rock of Love.

I really don't think it's surprising that I've waited this long to finish the series. I don't know about you but uterus-noshing isn't too high up on my things to read. It'll get read, when I get around to it. For now the spine is staring at me like a big, looming chess piece of doom. Check.

*headdesk*

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

First published in 2006.

I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole. I could feel my hear racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect - not healed, but as if there had never been a wound in the first place. (book back blurb)

Everything that I’ve said previously about these characters and their personalities still stands. The most compelling characters are those that are tucked in the background, somewhere behind Bella and Edward’s single dimensions. Only now we get to see more of Jacob Black whose mood swings and grumpy tantrums (which would be quite normal in a 16 year old boy) are explained away by the fact that he turns into a werewolf. See, I like the whole werewolf/chick getting her period thing of the movie Ginger Snaps. The parallel made there was awesome and eerily accurate. The teenage boy thing, though, it just seems a little too easy. Perhaps because it was done with little to no oomph and the parallel was made to interact with family history instead of hormone changes. The latter might have been purely coincidental.

Aside from the fact that Bella only defines herself by Edward, the way she attempts to get over him is by falling into the arms of yet another boy. Because that’s healthy. Because she’s been on the verge of a catatonic depression for months so the only way to get herself out of it is to distract herself by getting into an equally unhealthy rebound relationship with someone else. Someone needs a psychiatrist.

And on top of all of that, Bella actually becomes delusional and risks her life in order to trigger these delusions. It’s the only way to hear Edward’s voice. It’s always good to “cheat” on your werewolf pseudo-boyfriend with the boy that now exists only in your head. Again, healthy.

Meyer is quick to defend Bella and claim that none of this is misogynistic, that she really is a strong character. This is what she has to say, from her website–

(Side note: there are those who think Bella is a wuss. There are those who think my stories are misogynistic—the damsel in distress must be rescued by strong hero.

To the first accusation, I can only say that we all handle grief in our own way. Bella’s way is no less valid than any other to my mind. Detractors of her reaction don’t always take into account that I’m talking about true love here, rather than high school infatuation.

I emphatically reject the second accusation. I am all about girl power—look at Alice and Jane if you doubt that. I am not anti-female, I am anti-human. I wrote this story from the perspective of a female human because that came most naturally, as you might imagine. But if the narrator had been a male human, it would not have changed the events. When a human being is totally surrounded by creatures with supernatural strength, speed, senses, and various other uncanny powers, he or she is not going to be able to hold his or her own. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. We can’t all be slayers. Bella does pretty well I think, all things considered. She saves Edward, after all. Side note/rant over. Back to the story.)

Ok, so this is “true love” instead of a high school infatuation. Can the two not be synonymous? Are these stories not one and the same? To say Bella isn’t infatuated with Edward is a bit of a stretch on the best of days.

Do I think Bella is a wuss? No, I just don’t think she’s much of a character. She doesn’t flinch at running off to Italy to save Edward. A wuss wouldn’t have done that. Unfortunately, the definition of Bella is Edward so she was only saving herself. There isn’t a line between the two characters. They are one and the same so it would only be natural for one to save the other if that’s how they define each other. Really, is it so much to try and save yourself?

I think where Meyer misses the point on people objecting to Bella is that very definition of “true love.” In the Twilight world, to truly love another is to completely forfeit your own self. You as an individual no longer exist and are thus only defined by your life mate. I think having the story from Bella’s point of view only magnifies the misogynistic tendencies of the stories because we have a girl whose self-worth is rooted in her boyfriend. We see her not giving a damn about anything else except Edward. And when she isn’t with him, she’s longing for him. Bella is not Bella without Edward. You can say you’re for girl power all you want but when you have a girl whose life revolves around a boy and exists only for him (and occasionally her parents), you’re going to be hard pressed to prove otherwise. I have no doubt it’s entirely possible to truly and fully love someone without forfeiting your individuality and sense of self. This book obviously doesn’t show that.

When Edward leaves, a hole is torn in Bella’s chest. Oh how often she goes back to that image. It’s not occupied and filled again by close friends or family but by yet another boy whom she tries so hard to convince herself is just a friend but, even towards the end of the book, knows she’s not fooling herself. According to Bella, the only way to fill one hole torn in her psyche by a boy is to fill it with another. Isn’t that slightly oxymoronic to the whole girl power message? I understand the whole “we grieve differently” mantra but showcasing this very notion of defining yourself by the boy you date is not something young girls should be reading about.

Another spot where Meyer misses the boat in her own defense was the human actions among inhuman beings. I don’t question that. When you’re around things that can crush your head like a piece of Styrofoam, I have no doubt the intimidation level would be pretty high. And no, not all characters can be slayers. Not everyone is Buffy. But at least Buffy, despite everything else, had a sense of who she was. Bella does not. Meyer is thinking of only extremes in this respect. Bella doesn’t have to be a slayer but if she had a mind of her own, I’m sure her ability to hold her own would have been a little stronger. Unfortunately she no longer sees herself as a person but as Bedward. Bella’s reliance on outside sources for salvation makes her the chick that Buffy would be constantly saving and getting tired of. She doesn’t take responsibility for herself. If she can’t do that, of course she’s not going to be able to stand up to anything. It also helps to be a whole person without the aid of the opposite sex to complete you as well.

Remember, Xander and Willow and Giles were not slayers. They were quite human and quite capable of handling situations on their own. Of course Buffy was able to do it better but they had enough sense of self to not be wholly dependent on her. Even Pike from the original Buffy movie took it upon himself to throw a few stakes even though he knew he was way over his head. He didn’t depend on Buffy to get him out of trouble and while Buffy didn’t require his help and tried to talk him out of helping, she would allow it nonetheless.

I guess what it all really boils down to is the whole dependency issue and how a person defines themselves. I take serious issue with girls that insist on defining themselves according to the guys they’re dating and I’ll be hard-pressed to be convinced it’s true love. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time comprehending all this they live for each other and thus define each other stuff in the books. Have I loved? I am human. Yes, I have, quite deeply and quite painfully and while, with hindsight, I may have gotten in too deep at times, I didn’t lose the sense of who I was. It was always me with a boyfriend, not just a portion of myself while the rest of “me” was at work. I know the concept of “other half” and “better half” and all of that but it does really involve giving up who you are in order to remold the definition of you?

To be fair, I am a very independent person and weakness, especially in the self worth and self recognition departments, frustrates me because you don’t need to have another person in your life to complete the definition of you. They can complete your life, they can fill in a piece of your soul that was missing but they aren’t the essence of your being, the definition of your existence. If I had to interact with Bella, I’d have multiple ulcers.

Meyer makes it OK to love fully and shunt out everyone around you because all you need is love. Bella ostracizing her friends when Edward is around and then even further when he leaves is brushed off because they’re “not the greatest people” to be friends with. They leave a bit to be desired in the personality department. With that I won’t argue but it doesn’t make it right and it certainly doesn’t make it healthy.

Love, love until your heart explodes but keep some semblance of a sense of self. It definitely won’t hurt.

This is a sad story and not in the star-cross’d lovers category. It’s sad in that we have a teenage girl whose only source of existence is her boyfriend. The whole of her self worth is buried in her boyfriend. The reason for her existence is her boyfriend. Nothing else matters except the moments spent together. Perhaps I’m made of stone and I should see the love in that relationship. When I’m reading, I do. But when it sinks in it depresses me. There are a lot of young, impressionable girls reading these books and it makes me sad to think what they’re going to take away from this. I’d like to say they’ll get that true love really does exist but I’m afraid the magnification they’re going to give it, the romantic levels they’re going to take it to are going to surpass any sense of reality that they should have. It’s OK to put your head in the clouds so long as your feet are on the ground. I can only hope.

And yes, I’m still reading them. I don’t read for Edward and Bella. I read for Alice and Ro and Carlisle and the Volturi. Pretty much everything else except Edward and Bella and now Jacob Black. This book, though, was my least favorite. Take some Prozac already, Bella.