I'd Tell You I Love You but Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter

First published in 2006.

Cammie Morgan is a student at the Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women, a fairly typical all-girls school - typical, that is, if every school taught advanced martial arts in PE and the latest in chemical warfare in science, and students received extra credit for breaking CIA codes in computer class. The Gallagher Academy might claim to be a school for geniuses, but it's really a school for spies.

Even though Cammie is fluent in fourteen languages and capable of killing a man seven different ways with her bare hands, she has no idea what to do when she meets an ordinary boy who thinks she's an ordinary girl. Sure, she can tap his phone, hack into his computer, or track him through town with the skill of a real "pavement artist" - but can she maneuver a relationship with someone who can never know the truth about her? (book back blurb)

Initially the only reason why I picked up this book was because it's one of my dream agents's clients so I figured I might as well try out what she likes and see if we see eye to eye (as that's rather important when choosing an agent you want to represent your writing, because otherwise it might not work out so well, huh?). Then I decided to wedge this into my Fear Itself Challenge because of that fact. Had it not been Kristen Nelson's author's book, I wouldn't have otherwise picked it up. In all honesty, I thought a school for teenage spies was a little out there.

I read a chapter before I got nice and horrendously sick so it lay stagnant for a week. My initial impression off of that first chapter? For how extraordinary Cammie is, she's a really normal chick. Normal speech, normal friendships (again, despite the circumstances). The language is normal, not trying too hard. While I'm not crazy about the boarding school thing, at least it doesn't center around the rich kids versus the single poor chick there on a scholarship or something. There aren't really any cliques. No one's striving to be part of one team or another. They kind of just exist. There are students Cammie and her friends don't get along with, as it should be, but nothing is over the top or crazy cut-throat. It's real, to me at least. Overall, a good start.

Then I kept reading and I just fell in love with it. Bravo, Kristen Nelson and bravo Ally Carter! I wish there were more female main characters in YA lit that were more like Cammie and less like the insufferable Bella. Cammie is independent and goal-oriented. She knows what she wants out of life (and let me just say, that can be anything, even being a mom, nothing wrong with that, giving up everything for your boyfriend, on the other hand, very wrong) and she strives her hardest to get it.

What you have to understand about the situation is that while these girls are teenagers, they're not your standard, normal teenagers. When you're working with a genius-level IQ, the teenage brain doesn't function in the same way. Yes, they will still have standard teenage impulses (like with boys, for instance), but the way in which they deal with situations is going to be far different than what your normal teenager would. These are girls that know everything EXCEPT being normal. Macey is their link to the outside world, so to speak. When she comes into the picture, she brings a world these girls know pretty much nothing about into their otherwise very programmed, very structured lives. The opted for this. They wanted it. But that's not to say wrenches won't get thrown in spokes.

I love how Cammie, Bex and Liz handled the whole boy situation with Josh. I think every girl can relate to trying to decipher "boy talk" and "boy action" but they take it to such an extreme because, well, they can crack CIA code. Why the hell can't they figure out what that note meant??? And therein lies the dilemma of a genius. You have someone that can pretty much think their way out of any and every situation, except for those involving common sense and normalcy. Because they're not normal. Not really. Enter Macey again. She's that breath of normal that helps all three girls adjust to something that they're not used to. Had Macey not been in the picture, I don't think Cammie would have been able to handle the situation with Josh as good as she did. None of them had any clue what was going in before Macey and yeah, while the chick's a bitch, she knew what she was talking about. Gotta hate it when that happens.

And I loved the humor. It wasn't an overkill but there was just enough off-the-cuff humor that I ended up laughing out loud. When Bex and Liz were dangling off of Josh's roof while Cammie tried to distract him. Oh dear god did I laugh! I could so see that happening and not in an obnoxious Disney sitcom sort of way either. Or when Cammie stuffed a piece of paper with Josh's handwriting on it into her mouth only to realize after the fact that is was just normal paper, not the dissolving kind she's used to. Ha! Yeah, I can totally see that happening too. I'm telling you, I'd love to see this book in movie form. It has an excellent balance of humor that isn't absurd but is just enough to carry you through the story and lighten the mood.

Let's not forget the writing. Ah-maz-ing. Cammie is such an awesome and relatable character. Yeah, she's a genius, but she's a girl that also lost her father, has a boyfriend she doesn't quiet know what to do with and friends that sometimes teeter on the line of oblivion. It's so real despite the circumstances. The relationships are poignant and touching and at the same time, yeah, it really could happen to you. Ok, so maybe you won't be kidnapped by your teachers in order to complete a final. But you will have teachers that you connect to more than others, that know more than you thought they knew about you, and want only the best for you. It's just such a great book with such strong, admirable characters that you won't be able to help but love them.

I have the next book, Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy sitting in m TBR pile and while I probably won't get to it for a while, I can't wait to see what happens next in the series. Sure, so much can happen when you go to school for spies but it's the normal stuff that's really exciting. Not to mention the awesome problem-solving techniques the girls utilize to figure it all out. God, I love it!

Two Things

One -


I've finished my own Fear Itself Challenge. I just need to post the review. And I have to say, I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I've Have to Kill You is total redemption. You'll see more in my review.

Two -

And now for something completely different . . .


Thank you, Lizzie. Nom, nom, nom. That is all.

Secret Society by Tom Dolby + Contest!

Published September 29th, 2009.

Do you ever wonder how some people have it all? The best schools, the hottest parties, the priciest clothes, the easiest jobs? Maybe it's not because they work hard or get a lucky break every once in a while. Maybe it's because they're part of a secret group. A secret society. (book back blurb)

Gee. Yet another book about rich prep school kids getting everything handed to them. How original.

It's Skull and Bones, peanut version but with some estrogen. The whole Egyptian involvement is completely contrived and never really explained. I understand we're hopping around behind the eyes of the noobs to the group but as far as I'm concerned, these guys thought the Egyptians were cool and decided to use their logos for their club. By the end of the book, they could have been pirates for all it mattered to the overall plot.

And noob tattoo dude mistake numero uno - the neck is one of the most conspicuous spots to put a tattoo. No matter how small it is, unless it's a little black dot, it's going to get noticed. No more bobs for those girls! For a secret society, they sure flaunt their marker, don't they?

As far as the writing goes, I didn't feel it was quite there yet. It was . . . mediocre. In the hands of someone with more experience or greater talent, I think it could have done better but instead we get a Swiss cheese plot that meanders in all the wrong places, is thoroughly short on suspense and elementarily written. The characters are one dimensional, narrow-minded and as woe-is-me as you'd expect them to be in their current situations.

What little information we are given of this half-assed society is awkwardly dumped in some of the most chunky and ridiculously-sounding sentences I've ever read. The fact that the invitation is only handed out to prep school kids in their junior year is laughable. Want to narrow it down anymore? People with only blue eyes? One leg slightly shorter than the other? Literally, I laughed when that information was dumped because, considering the context and the way it was said, it was just absurd.

Maybe this is something that's just showing my age but the casualness of underage drinking in this book really shocked me, not to mention the lack of consequences for these over-privileged kids. It's parentfail if I've ever seen it because if I had ever come home drunk and hours past curfew, my grounded ass would never see the light of day again. These kids are actually encouraged to act like shitheads. Again, parentfail. I'm all for lowering the drinking age to 18 because if you're old enough to die for your country, you're old enough to have a drink (because that beer is so more more to handle than those assault rifles and justifiable homicide) but the extreme casualness of it all, how out in the open it was, just really bothered me. We had to be super sneaky when we drank. These kids just did it out in the open with absolutely no consequences. How nice.

The whole secret society concept is unoriginal. The writing needs to be improved. To me, the characters were unrelatable. Because of the poor writing, it lacked the suspense required of these kids' situations. Maybe if it was there, maybe if I was able to feel their fear at what was going on, I might have been able to connect to them. But nope. Tell, tell, tell. I don't care. If I don't feel it, those characters could drink themselves to death and I wouldn't bat an eye . . . oh wait . . .

Maybe it's just my age that's preventing me from liking this one. Or the sheer number of writing flaws have thoroughly detracted me from anything that might be worthwhile in the text. Either way, I didn't like it. This one easily blends in to all the other prep school crap that's out there. Except now it's tainting ancient Egypt's good name and for, apparently, no good reason because the connection is never made.

Alas, by the looks of the end, this isn't the last we'll see of this OMG-we-must-keep-this-secret-but-lets-give-ourselves-secret-tattoos-in-one-of-the-most-unsecret-places-on-our-bodies secret society but rest assured, I won't be reading it. Inconsistencies and technical fallacies irk me. Especially when I'm sick. Irk meter is that much higher. And the ending wasn't even good either. You almost expect it for everything that's happened. But because the author can't write a suspenseful sentence, you don't actually feel it so it all falls flat.

Oh yeah, your neck is one of the most PAINFUL places to get a tattoo. Anywhere where you have a concentration of nerve endings. Where your brain stem meets your spine? I'd say that's a pain hot spot. Just another fallacy that had me not believing anything the author wrote. For a 16 year old, they'd be crying. Just remember, a tattoo needle is as thick as a dime that moves up and down really quickly that punctures your skin over and over and over again in order to wedge the ink in there. And all this being done mere millimeters from your brain stem. Hello???

And this is an ankh tattoo people--


While the circle didn't hurt at all, the butterfly body was some of the most god awful pain I've ever felt in my life. I'll be going back to get my fifth sometime in early spring. And this is on my left hip bleeding onto the top of my leg. The circled ankh is 8 years old and the body is 5. I heart tattoos.

Contest Time!

Want my ARC? Just leave a comment with your email answering this question -

Do you have any tattoos? If so, what are they of? If not, would you get one and what of?

No answer, no entry. Period.

+3 for following
+3 for linking

This is open to US residents only and the contest will end October 30th at midnight, EST. Good luck!

Viola in Reel Life by Adriana Trigiani + Contest!

Pub date - September 1, 2009.

Three reasons why Viola Chesterton knows she'll never survive her first year at boarding school.

• She has to leave behind her best friend, Andrew.
• . . . and replace him with three new roommates who, disturbingly, actually seem to like it there.
• "There" is South Bend, Indiana, which feels about as far away from her hometown of Brooklyn, New York, as you can get. (book back blurb)
  

This book gets ten points alone for not being Tall Tales of the Moron Girls and How to Talk Like a Douche. There was literally a sigh of relief as I started reading this because it wasn't stuffed sausage-tight with so-hip-you-need-a-new-one slang and absolutely ridiculous situations.

But . . .

I started getting antsy, anxious, for something to happen. It was so boring and . . . ordinary. I can understand the realistic aspect to it and trying to make that kind of connection to readers that this could very well be a real girl anywhere having to adjust in a situation like this. But just think about it. How exciting is your normal, everyday girl going to school? Exactly. That's what Viola is.

The book is about the year in Viola's life where she goes to boarding school and has to adjust and learn a few life lessons. The thing is, it's so realistic it makes for a really dull read.

There's no drama. Well, next to none. And I felt that by the end of the book I should be holding hands with someone and singing Kumbaya or something. It was just so Brady Bunch uneventful. Hell, I think the Brady Bunch were more exciting. I mean, for a girl that's pretty much a loner and isn't the nicest of people to her roommates the first day of school, they sure seem to forgive her really quickly and they all become the bestest of friends. There's no head-butting with other girls, no rivalry, no normal social situations that real normal girls go through in school. It's like these characters existed in a love-in vacuum.

There's a hint of intrigue in the story but it pretty much stays that way. A hint. It leads Viola down this road to making her movie but it's just like seeing something in the right time and place. The only excitement going on around you when something like that happens is the epiphany going off inside your head. The only one that cared was Viola. And her Partridge Family friends.

The situation with Andrew was . . . meh. It worked itself out in the end. He joined in the Kumbaya sing-along. Jared on the other hand . . . well, it was another lesson Viola learned. Next time can we make these lessons something resembling compelling, please? Being steeped in ordinary is so BORING. I mean, they were good lessons and all but it was trying so hard to be realistic it ended up not being realistic. Does that make sense? No one goes through their freshman year in high school that easily, even with the "issues" Viola had. NO ONE.

That's not to say a book needs fantastical elements or ridiculous mememe drama for it to be compelling. But the lives of ordinary people are boring and shouldn't be written about. They need spice. This book would have been better with a modicum of tension and drama that actually exists in real school situations but it was so strawberries and cream glossed over that it eradicated it. It's like The Babysitters' Club on Prozac or something. Full House had more tension than this book.

The writing itself was a little awkward too. I know this is an ARC but a couple of things stood out that my gut tells me aren't things that are going to be fashioned out on the last copy edit. Namely dialogue and infodumping.

I have a feeling that dialogue isn't this author's strong point. They were all very stilted conversations and none of the characters really had their own voices. When one said a line, it could have been interchanged with any other character and it wouldn't have made a difference. I mean, not all teens talk like tools but most do use contractions.

And I really shouldn't say infodumping because that implies massive chunks of exposition which there aren't. What I'm talking about are things like conversations, or emails, between two characters where they would say things that are very obviously for the sake of the reader and not for each other. It comes off very unnatural. For instance, Cailtin, one of Violet's best friends from Brooklyn, sends Violet an email. In it she mentions her aunt. Seeing how often Caitlin talks about this woman, and how long they've been friends, Violet should already know who she is. But she goes into small detail about her aunt, "you know, first name, last name, what she does, why she's being mentioned." It's very awkward and very obvious that that information isn't there for Violet's benefit. She'd already know it.

And it really annoyed me when Violet kept saying South Bend, Indiana, South Bend, Indiana, South Bend, Indiana. The full city and state. Constantly. No just South Bend. And no just Brooklyn either. Rarely. Brooklyn, New York. Brooklyn, New York, Brooklyn, New York. When you say Brooklyn, who the hell won't know what you're talking about? And what irked me even more, and this is something so minute but it goes against the grain of the character, Violet rarely called Brooklyn home. For how much she missed it, it was always Brooklyn, never home. That bothered me. A lot.

So I went from one extreme, Alphas, to another. It's not a bad book. It's just uneventful, which can equate to boring. Just think about how much you'd want to read the diary of your normal, everyday girl. Then again, I'm pretty sure your normal, everyday girl goes through normal everyday high school shenanigans which seem to be left out of Prefect Academy in South Bend, Indiana. Check your normal high school/boarding school at the door and welcome to Stepford.

Personally, when I read a book, I want something that's going to excite me, in one way or another. Not a boring girl's journal.

And what the deuce is with the boarding school craze? I don't get it. I live within ten minutes of two prestigious girls' boarding schools and every time I passed them when I was younger, I cringed. Now they're supposed to be appealing and real world "fantasy"? Stumped me.

CONTEST TIME!!!

You want to give it a try? Enter to win my ARC!

Leave a comment with your email answering this question--

What was the biggest adjustment you had to make in school?

No answer, no entry. Period.

+ 2 for following
+ 2 for linking (no extras here)

Open to US residents only, this one will end September 1st. Good luck!

Alphas by Lisi Harrison + Contest!

Pub Date - August 25, 2009.

Welcome to Alpha Academy, the super-exclusive, ultra-tricked out institute created to groom the next generation of world class dancers, writers, musicians, and inventors. It's a dream come true for one hundred lucky girls. But competition breeds excellence, and one wrong move will get you sent home at any time, for any reason. What happens when the country's best, brightest, and hawtest begin clawing and scratching their way to the top? (book back blurb)

BEWARE OF SWEARS!!!

I am now officially dumber for having read this epic fail of a book. Seriously, what the fuck is the draw? Yeah, this doesn't render WTF? It needs the full on WHAT THE FUCK??? The vapid, pea-brained little girls are as shallow as dried puddles with nothing more going for them than good feet and great ideas. Yeah sweethearts, feet can break and ideas are dimes a dozen. What happens then? I'm not a fan of targeting talent like that to being with. Everyone needs a contingency plan because, like Murphy said, anything can happen and environments like this don't offer that. Weight gain is forbidden at Alpha Academy. Seriously? Well you're in deep shit if you're a dancer and gain more muscle . . .

It's just so . . . implausible. For a book that's somewhat supposed to be grounded in reality, I just couldn't suspend my disbelief for most of it. Yes, I understand that there are child prodigies everywhere but these girls are so unfocused it was hard to believe that they've made the achievements they have being as flaky and flighty and boy-crazy as they are.

The only girl with a nominally compelling story was Charlie. She actually seemed to be a raw talent, she's down to earth and pretty normal. Not to mention she doesn't talk like a massive airhead tool. Bonus points in my book. The situation she's in sucks ass. It really does. And the woman controlling the entire situation, plus the Academy, is a complete cunt. There's just no other word for it. And chicks are supposed to want to be her? Why? Because she's successful? Superficially, sure, but her life's as empty as many of these girls' heads because of it. Apparently that's supposed to be a worthwhile venture. How encouraging . . . O_o

And what the FUCK is with the hyphenated verbs? Giggle-sniffed? Lip-kiss (this one REALLY pissed me off because that dumb-twat Skye kept saying it, what other kind of kissing are you trying to differentiate from, sweetie? and it was used REPEATEDLY)? There's one involving a pillow, pillow-sniffed or something like that. I think my brain's officially blocked them out because I can't seem to find all of them but reading it, it's like they're on every fucking page. It's so goddamn annoying I wanted to cry.

The language is just trying so hard to be hip and up-to-date and fashionable it's revolting. You know, when I was a teen, we got by just fine on reading books that didn't sound like a sub-par Clueless spin-off. Is sounding as dumb as these girls do in this book actually fashionable? Is this ear-bleeding slang-type-speak the next Valley Girl? Honestly, I can tolerate Valley Girl better than I can handle this crap.

And the worst part about it (OK, who am I kidding, they're all worst parts) was the ending. You know how Pirates of the Caribbean 2 ended? You know they filmed movies two and three together and the end of two looked like someone took a set of scissors to the reel and blindly cut? That's what the end of this book was. A shameless shill to buy the next one because where it ends has you wondering what's going to happen next. And it's not like a Harry Potter ending where the story within the book is rounded out and leaves only a few pieces hanging so that you're satisfied enough until the next book comes out? Not this one. It's like Harrison wrote one giant manuscript and randomly pointed to a spot in the book as an ending point for this first one, chopping it up like that. Ugh.

Really, what a waste. I just don't get the appeal. I really don't.

CONTEST TIME!

Yeah, I know my review isn't exactly encouraging to want to read the book but there has to be someone out there that wants my ARC, right? Please? I'll make it really simple for you. Just comment with an email and you're entered. I'll even open this one up to the planet. International people, come on and enter. Please. You have until July 30th.

Please. Someone's got to take it . . . I'm begging you . . .

ETA 7/22/09--Uh, yeah, please be aware that bombarding my comments section will not get you any closer to the book and it's one entry per person. The winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

2009 Fear Itself Challenge Reviews

July 1st to December 31st

Post the direct links to your challenge reviews in the Mr. Linky thingy. Have no idea what this is all about? Check out this post to find out more and join in the . . . fun? These should be interesting!

My Fear Itself Book List + Reminder

In case you didn't know, I'm hosting my first ever reading challenge, the 2009 Fear Itself Challenge. Click the link to learn more and join in the hair-pulling fun!

Here's my book list for it--

1. Alphas by Lisi Harrison (done)
2. Viola in Reel Life by Adriana Trigiani (done)
3. Secret Society by Tom Dolby (done)
4. I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You by Ally Carter (done)

I'll be posting the post to Mr. Linky all your reviews on Wednesday. I've started reading Alphas already. I'm about 60 pages in and now roughly 20 points lower on the IQ scale. Charlie's a relatively cool, somewhat normal character but the rest of the girls need to play catch with the front grille of a speeding bus. I. Don't. Get. The. Appeal. Vapid. Waste. Of. Words. Who the hell's idea was it for me to read this anyway? Oh wait . . .

This is also the last day to enter my The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane contest! Be sure to enter if you haven't already!

2009 Fear Itself Challenge

JULY 1 - DECEMBER 31

What's the deal?

No, it's not about reading horror novels. Well, unless those are the ones you tend to avoid.

I wanted to start a challenge that really challenged people. That dared people to read outside their comfort zones. Pick up a book that they'd otherwise look over. Thus Fear Itself was born (although I think I overdid it a little on the blood).

Do what now?

Between July 1st and December 31st, I challenge you to read 3, just 3, books that, under normal circumstances, you wouldn't give a second look to. Avoid Gossip Girl like a VD? Now's the chance to grab one. Does horror freak you out? Grab an RL Stine.

Why?

Like I said above, we have a tendency of reading in our own comfort zones and don't often venture out of it unless really urged to. Well, consider yourself urged. It's a good thing to read something that you might not on your own accord. It broadens you as a reader and as a reviewer. Read widely is an excellent mantra. It'll, if nothing more, keep you reading.

Why six months? Dude, have you ever read a book that you're not thrilled about reading or try to force yourself through something? Yeah, it might take a little longer. Especially if you're into procrastination. You can read more if you want. But 3's your minimum.

The Catch

Yup. There is one. You can't not finish the book. And it MUST be reviewed. Now you see why the 3? This'll get you to evaluate why you ended up liking the liking the book even though you were groaning to read it. Or why it just solidified your opinion that is sucked like a vacuum. So choose your books wisely. If you really don't think you can get through Hemingway, don't choose one of his works. Hey, I feel your pain. I have an Alphas book in my pile that I'm sure I'll be in tears by the end of it questioning humanity but I'm going to read it.

So are there books out there that you "should" read? Have friends begging you to read although you don't think you'll be interested? Not only is this good for expanding your reading, but it's a good way to utilize your local library too.

~

You don't have to stick to just YA books. You can choose whatever you want. If you want to sign up, just use the Mr. Linky here. You can either link to a post on your blog with your book list or just your blog in general. On July 1st I'll post the review post where you can start linking to your reviews. Feel free to snag the little banner I made up top to show that you're participating in this challenge but please link back to this post so people don't have to go rooting around for it.

*Since Mr. Linky's disabled the auto-linky and I'm not a gold member, I have to use this one. The sites won't list in post which is kind of sucky but just click the graphic and you'll be able to put in your site and see the whole list.