The Vampire Is Just Not That Into You by Vlad Mezrich

Published October, 2009.

Are you in love with a vampire? Are you worried that you might not be his (blood) type? Do you wonder whether that cold stare means he isn't interested . . . or if it's simply because he's been dead for centuries (nothing personal)? Have you tried to coax him out of his crypt with a flash of your neck or a near-death situation that requires him to save you at the very last possible moment? Have you ever considered what it would be like to introduce him to your mother?

• Even though your vampire's skin is transfixingly translucent, he still can be very hard to read. Sometimes he's simply holding back his true feelings, resisting the urge to bite you in the chance that one day you will truly love him. And other times . . . well, he's just not that into you.

• How can you tell? Undead dating specialist Vlad Mezrich has all the answers, utilizing quizzes, Top Ten lists, language analysis, real-life (and real-death) testimonials, and fancy charts to show you how to get your vampire and keep him forever. Once you go vamp, you never decamp - so let this eternally rewarding book show you the way to snagging the vampire of your dreams. (book back blurb)

I both really liked this book for its satire and was leery of it because, well, I can see sparkly-eyed teen girls taking the quizzes like they do in Cosmo and holding themselves to the results. Poor boyfriends. I just can't tell if the satire wasn't strong enough or if it's just me reading a little too much into it.

Either way it was pretty funny. It's pretty much a total rip on TWILIGHT and tells you how klutzy to be in order to snag a sparkly one, among other things. The breakdown of normal boys, goth boys and vampires was pretty funny, complete with diagrams with zits and fangs (not combined, of course).

The voice was awesome and the tone was consistent. Vlad did a good job of getting his expertise across without slaughtering any of the testimonial reporters. I think. Good for him if he did.

It was a super short read, meant to be light-hearted and silly. If you're a diehard TWILIGHT fan you probably won't like it because it makes no qualms about ripping the Edward-ish a new butthole. It maintains its "integrity" until the end and I think that might be what holds me back from really loving this book. I want to but the satire is at times hard for me to swallow because I can't help but think that a couple parts might not be satirical. Kind of absurd but that line between reality and satire is blurred which makes me leery.

Still, it's a funny book and if you're looking for a quick break from the vampire inundation, this is a good break to have.