Sunday, November 13, 2011

YAckers Review: A Long, Long Sleep by Anna Sheehan

Published August 6, 2011.

It should have been a short suspended-animation sleep. But this time Rose wakes up to find her past is long gone— and her future full of peril.

Rosalinda Fitzroy has been asleep for sixty-two years when she is woken by a kiss. Locked away in the chemically induced slumber of a stasis tube in a forgotten subbasement, sixteen-year-old Rose slept straight through the Dark Times that killed millions and utterly changed the world she knew. Now, her parents and her first love are long gone, and Rose— hailed upon her awakening as the long-lost heir to an interplanetary empire— is thrust alone into a future in which she is viewed as either a freak or a threat. Desperate to put the past behind her and adapt to her new world, Rose finds herself drawn to the boy who kissed her awake, hoping that he can help her to start fresh. But when a deadly danger jeopardizes her fragile new existence, Rose must face the ghosts of her past with open eyes— or be left without any future at all.

DN to the mofo F.

I am going to make a plea to publishers: for the love of whatever god you may or may not worship, can you PLEASE stop publishing such hackneyed, lazily-built books and forcing them upon us simply to continue riding the wave of better-written books? PLEASE? Getting jazzed up by a blurb and then falling face first into a steaming pile of horse shit is not something I like doing repeatedly.

The "science" was drawn out of a text book from 1956 that was gang-raped by lobotomized chimps before hand, getting donkey-kicked by an actual donkey is less painful than the contrived romance, I've seen better worlds built by 6-year-olds with finger paints and I've been able to make more sense out of a wet Rorschach test than I have of the actual plot.

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

To see our entire review, check out this month's Keeper of the Book, Sya at The Mountains of Instead. She holds the words.

Ban Factor: Unknown - I don't feel I read enough of it to determine if this would end up in the kindling pile or not.
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