Monday, March 30, 2009

Shut the Fuck Up Already

Read this article. Now. Did you read it? Well what the hell are you waiting for? The rest of my post won't make a damn bit of sense if you don't read it. It'll take five minutes. Just do it. You done? Ok.

How's your forehead? Is it dented yet? Need an ice pack? How about some Advil? Tylenol Migraine maybe? Or perhaps some Topamax to stop the twitching.

In the words of Denis Leary, open ass, insert head.

You know, there will be very few times I actually defend whatever integrity that might exist around Twilight, and this is one of them. YA ISN'T FUCKING LESSER, DAMMIT! No, Meyer isn't Jack Kerouac but who is other than Jack himself? Why must things be as they were in the past to be just as good? While Twilight has a tendency to make my eyes bleed, it also makes me re-evaluate the position of women in society, gender roles, religious roles, the concept of life and death. Yes, all that is in TWILIGHT. Odd though, I know, but it is there. Why must the youth of America read to someone else's standards in order to reach a goal set by someone else?

I may not Twit, Twat or Tweet but is Twitter not a beneficial program to have connected to these new timey devices called cell phones to alert students to lock downs and mad gunmen on campuses? Virginia Tech, anyone? There's a reason why most of the age bracket gets their news from The Daily Show with John Stewart, ok?

For fuck's sake we're getting the same information and having the same conversations as the hippies 35 years ago just in a different language. Instead of groovy it's awesome. Instead of man it's dude. Instead of yeah it's like. What the hell's the difference when it's all the same thing? Does Generation Dead not touch upon social diversity, stereotypes and human differences the same way those beatniks did? Is it really so bad that Daniel Waters says that message with zombies as opposed to fist-pumping tie-dye? Seriously, same difference, man.

Just to warn you right here, I've been amped up on Denis Leary for the past week. Read his book. Saw him live on Saturday. Be prepared for Fuck Force One in three, two, one . . .

I'm what these dipshits call a Millenial. I'm at the old end, 1981 being the official start. I was born in 1983. And guess what? My fucking IQ is 12-fucking-6. I have a fucking Bachelor's in fucking English with a minor in creative fucking writing that I 4.0'ed my way through. I consistently fucking tested in the 90th fucking percentile and up in state school testing all twelve fucking years and graduated with a fucking honor cord wrapped around my goddamn neck and honors tassels in my fucking eyes. I can debate and write my way out of any fucking scenario, on any intellectual fucking level and I grew up on Stephen fucking King, Christopher fucking Pike and RL fucking Stine.

So they can take their fucking poetry and brown acid and "real literature" and sit on it and fucking spin. I'm going to go over here and read my Stephenie fucking Meyer and my JK fucking Rowling and my Daniel fucking Waters and my Caroline B. fucking Cooney and enjoy myself. And then have conversations with my fucking peers who also fucking enjoyed themselves and talk about the same goddamn things that kids our age were talking about forty fucking years ago, just using different fucking filler words and then get our social fucking commentary from South Park and The fucking Daily Show.

So piss it.

This expletive enema brought to you by Joe Pesche, the MAFIA and a pepperoni pizza. Remember people, don't piss off the little Italian girl, mkay? Not good.


Amelia said...

You're awesome. Enough said.

Anonymous said...

WOW! You must really be upset!

I agree with you though. Preach on sister. Preach on!

Steph Su said...

Oh for the love of God. Where do people like Ron Charles come from? Does he not realize that attitudes like his are what spawned the police beatings of blacks in the 60s, the gay riots in the 90s? What is he but a biased adult, attempting to toot his so-called "liberalism" which is really just a call for things to return to, you know, the sixties, where integration was a fantasy and homosexuals dared not come out. Yeah, because that decade was certainly so much better than now. What kind of liberalism is that, if it only promotes the white middle-class elitist form of thinking?

And that's what his prejudice against YA is all about. YA is written for the "lesser" beings, those pathetic teenagers who can't think for themselves and need the guidance of people like him, Ron Charles, to lead the way into enlightenment. Enlighten, my ass. Yeah, I'd rather read Daniel Waters' zombies to learn about the outcomes of prejudice than his faux-liberal rant. Because at least one of them understands the true spirit of prejudice and acceptance... and you only get one guess as to who it is.

And honestly? I'd rather read about vampires and love stories than angst-ridden, disillusioned, rebel-minded teens. Did he not consider the fact that perhaps the most famous character of all time, Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye, is as stupid, as self-absorbed, as angst-ridden as all the YA characters he's bashing? And he sure as hell isn't more interesting than most YA characters.

Seriously, just because YA doesn't cover their "theme," their "message," their "motifs," or their "symbolism" in a pound of camouflage material doesn't mean that they don't teach. I'd rather read something that both teaches AND entertains me, rather than some purported "real lit" that bombards me with symbolism and forces me to dig through six feet of shit to get to the all-important "message." Honestly, if you want to say something, just say it. No need to hide it under pretenses. Directness is the way to go. Besides, who reaches a larger audience, Stephenie Meyer or Jack Kerouac? Ron Charles is another misguided elitist who is still wrapped up in his failing belief in the success of oligarchy. Open your eyes to the 21st century, my dear: the majority rules.

Benjamin Solah said...

Awesome rant!

That guy is an elitist wanker. I hate assholes like that who put down people who read 'popular books.'

Though also his analysis of this is the reason for the lack of radicalism is totally bullshit. People don't read a book and decide to change the world.

Also, does this mean I'm not a radical, controversial and politcally challenging writer because I'm influenced by Stephen King and use Facebook?

prophecygirl said...

I love you, Donna!

Anonymous said...

Well said Donna. Not like a lot of those hippies back in the day were not wasting their time smoking pot and dropping acid. They just went to the demos so that they could score drugs and chicks. It is a dismissive attitude ignores a key aspect of the story: The Kids ARE READING! And they are doing it for fun!

Reminds me of how comic books (before all the Hollywood blockbusters) and sci-fi where dismissed out of hand by the "serious" people. True you can not measure quality simply by sales volume, but you can not ignore the reasons for the trends.

Instead of bashing them, why don't you, yes, you Mr. Charles, use your superior intellect and try to understand what is really going on here instead of slapping your prejudices to the page. You sound as square as your parents, man!

And that ain't cool dude.

Donna (Bites) said...

Thanks, BJ!

IB, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Everyone has their breaking point!

Steph, You. Are Awesome. Chances are he's never read any of the books he's bashing.

Thanks, Ben! Yeah, kind of makes you go cross-eyed, doesn't it?

I love you too, PG!

Thanks, Raf! His superiour intellect is wedged so far up his own ass that it's out of his reach, unfortunately.

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