Why Real Vampire Fans Have Sweeter Vacation Destinations

I don't think it's any surprise that I don't like Twilight. I'm not a fan of the giant walking vaginas that stalk blood under the guise of vampires. Really, people, those glittering things are pixies, whether you like it or not. You can call a rose a shit stink thorn blossom but people will just look at you funny, kind of like how I'm looking at you now.

If you've been following my blog for a while then it's also no surprise that I'm a huge (read: rabid) The Lost Boys fan. So big, in fact that I do what the Twihards do to Washington state. No, not hump its leg. I make a pilgrimage. You see, when things develop a cult following, you get the nutters that start to collect. And then that starts to not be enough and they start to travel. A bit. That's where I come in. If you're a fan of The Goonies then you know about the huge meeting that took place last month in Astoria, Oregon, where the movie was filmed.

Where was The Lost Boys filmed, you say? Santa Cruz, California. And while it hasn't had the type of organization that The Goonies has had, in 2007 it did have what ended up being a rather neat reunion of a beach showing of the movie together with some of the actors from the film. Wicked awesome. And guess what? No rain! Or Bath and Body Works glitter!

See, people, when you're a real vampire fan, you get to visit some kick ass destinations where galoshes and slickers aren't mandatory. Where can you go, you ask? Well I'll tell you.

If you're a Lost Boys fan, as I've said, you get to visit the beautiful Santa Cruz, California, the birthplace of mainland surfing. Sand, sun, salt water taffy, you really can't get any better. Oh yeah. There's also the Beach Boardwalk. Can't miss that.

Personally I think it's pretty hard to beat palm trees.


If you're an Interview with the Vampire fan, then you get New Orleans and Paris. Booze, tits and crepes. What more could you ask for?


Just watch out for the dog poop.

The original Buffy more your game? Then you get the ever-fashionable Los Angeles. Rodeo Drive, Hollywood, the Sunset Strip. You'll be rocking and rolling all night long.

Just be careful of the smog. It might eat you.


Bram Stoker's Dracula? London and Transylvania. Fish and chips and kick ass castles. Maybe you can smuggle the food over to the Eastern Bloc and get the best of both worlds.

Just cross the street if you run across any wolves or hooligans.


And what do you get when you're a fan of Twilight?


Forks, Washington . . .


Wheeee. I can see why it totally pwns everything else. Is that a cow crossing the road, I see?

So what did we learn today, kids? That we need to choose our vampires wisely. Because if we do, they're reward us with frequent flier miles, good tans and worthwhile credit card debt. Yay!