The Sentinels: Fortunes of War by Gordon Zuckerman + Contest!

First published in July, 2009.

In the financial devastation of the 1930s, a greedy, power-hungry group of German industrialists plot to usher in the National Socialist Party in order to rearm Germany and reap the financial rewards - leading to the rise of Hitler. The Six Sentinels, graduates of an elite American doctoral program who have ties to the global financial community, uncover the industrialists' plan to launder their fortunes of war in order to support a new nefarious scheme. In a daring strategy of Robin Hood style thievery, the Sentinels put their lives on the line to serve justice - and thus become embroiled in a dangerous and violent international conspiracy. (book back blurb)

Sounds good, right? All espionage-y and sneaky and dangerous? The blurb sounds exciting!

And then you start reading it . . .

And realize it's the dullest fucking espionage book in the history of the world. Well, I shouldn't say that. I don't read very many of these kinds of books but you'd think, considering the subject, it'd be relatively interesting and fast paced, right?

Nope.

The only reason I read it quickly was because it's in a larger font with big margins. Zoomed right through it. Thank god.

This book is PURE telling. PURE. TELLING. From the entire book I didn't give a shit about one character. I had no idea what they were going through except what was being told to me. One of the chicks was kidnapped and held hostage and during that time, she slowly lost her mind. Do I feel any of that? Nope. I'm barely told any of it. I just keep getting told her hair's longer, her nails are longer, she's getting weaker, and she has to stay focused. When she's rescued, all of a sudden she's near catatonic. WTF? When did that happen? Trying to escape writing the hard parts, are we?

Another girl has to escape her captors by cross country skiing through the Alps. Do I feel how cold she is or how scared shitless she is? Nope. I'm just told she's huddled under a tarp, waiting for the dudes to pass.

One of the guys is in love with two women. Apparently he was this girl-jumping French playboy and now not only is he in a pickle with some Germans, he's genuinely fallen in love with two women. Do I feel any of this? Of course not. Why would I? I'm simply told that he has sex with one, has sex with the other, oh what is he to do?

I felt nothing throughout the entire book. No suspense, no adrenaline rush, no giving a shit about any of the characters. It just plain sucked. In the right hands, this could have been an awesome book. You know, with someone that knows the proper sentence constructs that creates the element of suspense. Not to mention knows what "show, don't tell" means.

Really, I was waiting for one of the Germans to just up and stab someone to make it interesting. No dice. And apparently everyone sounds the same in this little spy universe. Not sure why.

You know, maybe reading so much YA has completely sapped my patience with adult books. Maybe there's a literary value here that I'm missing. But I really don't think that's going to change the fact that I was talked at for the entire book.

Blah.

CONTEST TIME!

There's gotta be someone that wants to take this off my hands. Please? Just leave a comment with your email to enter. Ends August 13th.