80s Awesomeness! ~ 163

After my first official foray into Lethal Weapon land the other day at the behest of Soldier Boy, I realized that my next 80s Awesomeness! post needs to be about an 80s movie staple: the saxophone.  Watch an 80s movie and you'll be hard-pressed to NOT hear some random saxophone music playing in the background.  Lethal Weapon is wrought with this -

Even my most favoritest movie in ever has your token saxophone music -

It's a staple. Like 80s boob.  Sax and boob.  That can rightly define 80s movies right there.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 154

Can't figure it out? C'mon . . . breakdancing! With the major emergence of rap in the 80s, breakdancing came right along with it. Popping and locking and headspinning galore, if you weren't a yuppie, or perhaps a Depeche Mode follower, you were in on this.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 145

Oh yeah. In all his mulleted glory. If you have a chicken breast, a toothpick and Windex, MacGyver can solve your problems. From disarming a bomb to unclogging a toilet, MacGyver's got it covered.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 134

The 80s nearly ate itself when this unlikely coupling occurred between crazy ass rocker Eddie Van Halen and good girl Valerie Bertinelli from One Day at a Time. People wondered what could such a nice girl see in such a . . . guy? Well, lo and behold Valerie wasn't all pinks and peaches and she was able to holder her own against her man. And they were together FOREVER in Hollywood terms, getting married in 1981 and finally divorcing in 2007 after many ups and downs and a son.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 125

Oh yeah. Slap bracelets. These things were spawned in the late 80s; a piece of metal wrapped in a thin sheet of fabric or plastic, you could straighten it out and then slap it on your wrist and watch it curl around. Amazing!

Until the early 90s when kids started hurting themselves with them from "misuse." How you misuse one of these things, I have no idea. But I do remember hearing stories about kids inadvertently slitting their wrists with them. While I doubt the truth is nowhere near as fantastical as that, needless to say they started getting banned because of those supposed issues. It was a while before they started creeping back into pop culture but like all styles, it finally made its way around, albeit as the safety version of its predecessor.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 116

It was all about the New Coke in the 80s. For about 30 seconds until people started to actually taste it. New Coke failed. Hard. But Coca-Cola tried. They did.

What was New Coke? Just a reworked formula for the original coke. It was the 80s. They wanted to spice things up. They used too much paprika. Less than a year later they re-released the original formula so they didn't tank too much money.

It's sadly ironic.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 107

The mall. Any mall. The breeding ground for Valley speak and acid wash. Where mall rats gathered to spend their parents' hard-earned cash on Madonna bracelets and popped collars. Where raucous giggling echoed off marble and escalators alike. You weren't cool if you didn't hang out at the mall.

If you tend to hang around the Yahoo! homepage like I do, you may have caught an article titled Scenes from an 80s Mall. It's an all-inclusive look into the big hair behind the glass doors. You must partake, if for nothing more than to learn from history so it shall never repeat itself again. We're already dangerously close. Please join the effort to stop it.

If this isn't an uber-80s mall movie, I don't know what it -

80s Awesomeness! ~ 102

The end of the 80s brought on one of the greatest cultural phenomenons the world has ever seen. With the most bastard-like ear worm of a theme song to the impossibly slow-moving life-guards, Baywatch had it all. And then some came a little later on in the series. Everyone who was anyone watched Baywatch, regardless of sex. But most especially if you were male. Duh.

The original intro in all its 80s glory -

And what we came to all know and love -

80s Awesomeness! ~ 96

Side Ponytails!!!

I'm not sure what kind of look chicks were going for with this one but it sure screams quintessential 80s. Perhaps it was for those girls that still wanted to remain in touch with their inner children but at the same time didn't want to be weighted down with the burden of a set of pigtails. The solution? Just the one. We're meeting halfway here. I think.

80s Awesomness! ~ 87

Those of you 90s children might remember its We Are The World equivalent. A multi-national satellite-linked concert viewed by literally billions of people all over the world, Live Aid was a means to bring attention to the plight in Africa. An epic collaboration of amazing musicians (David Bowie and Queen among them), it was the biggest concert of its kind to date (I do believe others have been tried since in the same vein).

And who could forget Band Aid? Live Aid's collaborative mama? Let's hear it for the Christmas cheer! Can you spot the classic 80s recording move?

80s Awesomeness! ~ 82

Oh yeah. Bartles and James. We're talking the high class type of wine coolers here. You know you've at least tried it. Snuck it from your parents while they weren't looking. Took it to a high school party. Still may or may not drink it. But it wasn't the 80s without alcoholic Kool Aid.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 75

Oh yeah. This literary gem was an 80s spawn. Don't sit there and lie to yourself. You know you loved it. I had so many of the books, plus the board game plus the scratchy sleeping bag that only came up to my waist. I was so freakin' cool it hurt. And now, like everything else dredged out of the 80s ooze, The Baby Sitters Club is making a comeback. You know you're going to run out and buy them. Or at the very least head online and scour the likes of Powell's for the old school versions. We don't want no stinkin' MP3 players in our Baby Sitters Club books. Give me tape decks, dammit.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 66

An iconic statement from the 80s that still really hasn't died. And it made an old lady famous. I knew there's a reason I prefer Wendy's over McDonald's and Burger King. They got the beef.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 60

The DeLorean!!!

Also known as 'that car in Back to the Future' or 'don't park too close to someone else.' Created by a guy with a lot of vision and a lot of coke, the DeLorean was the new wave of cars. Something about those upward-opening doors. They were hot shit. Until the company went bust because the owner was arrested for drug smuggling or something like that. But they were cool while they lasted, I guess. And apparently they're making a comeback. Not sure why but I guess history has a tendency of repeating itself. Let's hope they don't decide to remake Back to the Future. That'll just make me cranky.

80s Awesomeness! 54

Corey Haim!!!

Corey Haim was a huge child star in the 80s. Known for movies like The Lost Boys (of course), Dream a Little Dream, License to Drive and Lucas, he had it all. Then the downslide into drugs came and Corey became lost in a dark world. He battled with drug addiction for years, jumping in and out of various levels of sobriety. He tried numerous times to turn his life around and get back into acting, most notably within the last few years.

He stared in the reality TV show The Two Coreys with his longtime friend, Corey Feldman, for a couple seasons before Haim's dissolution back into drugs put too big of a strain on their friendship to continue. But despite that, they remained close and Haim continued to struggle while continuing to do what he loved - act.

As is the path of far too many young actors, Corey Haim died on Wednesday morning. Causes are yet unknown but most are leaning towards a drug overdose for obvious reasons. What a great vindication it would be for him for the autopsy to reveal that it wasn't drugs that killed him. It would stick it to everyone that thought he would die like every other fucked up druggie addict. It would also be justice to his ailing mother, whom he was taking care of and who has now lost everything in her world.

I've only hung out with Corey once and while it was during a time when he wasn't at his peak, I could still see the person, underneath it all, that the rest of our friends saw for years - the kind, gentle person that loved and cared for the people around him. The outpouring of love for him after his death is greatly overwhelming. But, like his ex Nicole Eggert said on Larry King, maybe if he saw all of that during his life, instead of getting constantly kicked while he was down, his outcome would have been a little brighter.

Now we have to endure the loss of a great human being who was on the brink of turning his life around, who loved life as much as he humanly could, and truly enjoyed entertaining. Gone is Lucas and Sam and Dinger and Les but at least we have those memories to ensure that he will never be totally gone. And god, will he be missed.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 46

What was known as quite possibly the worst longest running Broadway musical ever, Cats was a phenomenon. Experts still don't know why. Nor do they know why I saw it three times by 1990 and was the White Cat (pictured front, on her knees) at least twice for Halloween. Yeah, I loved this damn musical. Had I seen it as an adult, I'm sure I would have done a O_o but that didn't stop me from having a small Cats collection that included sheet music, the soundtrack as I believe a poster. And multiple show programs. My favorite musical ever.

If you couldn't tell, they're junkyard, feral cats. I can't remember if there's an actual plot to the show or if it's just random snippets from particular cats' lives and all their lives in general. But I do remember the ascension of one cat to heaven. At least I think. I can't remember if she was the one that sang 'Memory' or not.

My favorite Cat . . .

80s Awesomeness! ~ 45

Brooke Shields and Her Jeans!!!

Calvins were the "it" jeans back in the 80s (among other brands). They may not have been as well known as Jordache or Guess? but the chick in the jeans certainly helped them fly off the shelves. The big deal about Brooke Shields claiming nothing come between her and her Calvins? No, it wasn't the innuendo. Entirely. It was the fact that she was 14 and saying those things. Fourteen-year-olds don't look like that anymore (but that's something for another post) and she doesn't entirely look like a sexualized little girl (her face looks young but if I didn't know, I'd think her at least 18). But still, she was only 14 and insinuating she was naked under her clothes. Logically, duh, but just take a look at the commercial. It's not entirely innocent. The pose alone says loads without her even opening her mouth.

80s Awesomeness! ~ 43

Valley Girls!!!

Like, totally. Fer shur. If you had big hair (well, who didn't?), hung out at the mall and sounded like you sucked helium and got a lobotomy (not necessarily in that order), then chances were you were a valley girl. Other tell tale signs were side pony tails, the "hottest" fashions and a good tanned sneer. I'm not sure which valley these chicks were from since there are a few valleys in the Los Angeles area (San Fernando, Death, whatever, does it matter?). Apparently sounding like a total tool was the "it" thing in the 80s, that is, if you swung in that crowd, or wanted to be in that crowd. Me, if someone told me to "bag my face," I'd go grab a plastic bag and tell them to play with it. And then I'd get a dictionary because what the hell does that mean anyway?

80s Awesomeness! ~ 38

Yuppies!!!

Not to be confused with guppies.

If you were a yuppie, or aspired to be one, you were the hottest shit on the face of the earth. Chances are you were a Wall Street-type of person in power suits with the hottest piece of electronic equipment to date, the cell phone. Yes, people, that hulking monstrosity on that dude's ear is a CELL PHONE. But you were hot talking on it. Why? Because they were so expensive that only the richest people could afford them so having one elevated you to top yuppie. Bingo!

They were also known to be massive coke heads and stuck up shits. If you weren't part of the yuppie culture, you reviled them. They sucked and they epitomized everything that was wrong with society. Turns out those people weren't too far off on that marker, huh?

Their battle cry? DIE YUPPIE SCUM!

80s Awesomeness! ~ 25

The Keytar!!!

A must-have staple for every synthpop band in the 80s, the keytar was the perfect blend of keyboard and guitar. No longer was the lone keyboardist a stationary figure on stage. That was best left to the drummer anyway. And you know this is the ultimate pile of sexy, right? How could you possibly resist the uber-talented keytar player?

And I don't care what anybody says, Aqua rocks. Yeah, Barbie Girl Aqua. This has to be one of the best music videos ever made by man and is the inspiration for today's post. Yay!