Thursday, February 10, 2011

Author Bites - Kurt Tarot Hijacks Sean Beaudoin's Space

I did ask Sean Beaudoin to come back to Bites and do another guest post leading up to my review of his newest book, You Killed Wesley Payne, but it appears Sean is indisposed. And apparently it involves duct tape and Red Bull on steroids. I just kind of nodded and looked the other way. Instead I got Kurt Tarot who knows all about this Body incident if he'd just cut the tough guy act for a nanosecond. Anyway, if he doesn't have you flinching at his fist, here he is. Thanks for stopping by, Kurt! And make sure you punch some air holes for Sean, wherever he is.

Hey. I’m Kurt Tarot. Pretty much the bad dude character in the new book You Killed Wesley Payne. You can call me Mr. Tarot. Actually, you don’t really have to call me that. I like you. I’m just so used to doing the tough guy routine, I forget to take off the mask sometimes, you know? Hey, have you checked out my band, Pinker Casket? We rock. Have you heard There’s a Shocker in My Locker? Totally has single written all over it. What I don’t get is why everyone thinks I’m such a bad guy. I mean, sure, I have to stomp someone every once in a while. And, there’s the whole leather cloak and leather pants and leather boots thing. But that’s just a look! Hey, you got to work it hard to get anywhere in the music word. I guess my metal teeth don’t help any. And that whole rumor about me drinking blood. Totally false! That was only Diet Coke! Man, this vampire nonsense has everyone losing their shite. Grow up, already! There’s no such thing! Anyway, you seem like a cool dude. You want a backstage pass? I’ll get you in free. What do you mean, no? What do you mean you’re not coming to our next show down at The Morgue? Why not? What, are you a baby? Hey, where are you going? You don’t need to run. Hey, you! Hey, come here. I swear, if I get my hands on…..huff…puff…puff.

Man, I got to quit smoking.

Wow, I really feel like punching someone now.

Or writing a song

Or writing a song about punching someone.

Hey, that’s it!

The Three (3) Pinker Casket Albums You Can’t Live Without:

1. The Groupie Bus Is Full, So Take a Cab.
2. Dainty Ain’t My Middle Name.
3. Meatway to Heaven, Stairway to Your Airway.
4. Playing Makeup and Wearing Guitars.
5. Katy Perry’s Just A Flotation Device, We Are Rock And Roll.

You Killed Wesley Payne
is a murder mystery. Who killed Wesley Payne? You did. Probably. Either way, It wasn’t me. And, I swear, if you tell anyone it was, there will so totally be a Tarot-sized shadow looming up on your doorstep soon.

Now give me a cigarette.

You’re My P.A.L.

-Kurt “dead Elvis” Tarot

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