Showing posts with label amanda grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amanda grace. Show all posts

Saturday, August 25, 2012

In Too Deep by Amanda Grace

Published February 8th, 2012.

Author website.

Carter didn't rape me. People at school think he did. Suddenly, new friends are rushing to my side, telling me that Carter hurt them, too. They say he's getting what he deserves. 

Maybe I don't want to fix this. 

Sam is in love with her best friend Nick, but she can't seem to tell him. So she decides to flirt with golden-boy Carter Wellesley, hoping Nick will see it and finally realize his true feelings for her.

On Monday, everyone at school is saying that Carter raped Sam. He didn't, but Sam can't find the words to tell the truth. Worst of all, she's afraid she'll lose Nick if he finds out what really happened. 

As graduation approaches, Sam discovers that living the lie isn't as easy as her new friends make it sound--and telling the truth might be even worse.  (goodreads.com)

I thought I was going to get pretty enraged by IN TOO DEEP because I have some pretty strong feelings about girls crying rape but it wasn't too bad.  I think ultimately it was all handled really well, the protagonist went through a sufficient level of guilt and it wrapped itself up realistically so I really don't have any complaints.

IN TOO DEEP tackled all the relevant avenues that it could potentially go down, I think, from claimant guilt to what's happening to the guy to his future to her future to the repercussions to outward reactions in the face of the lie's reality and a bunch of things in between.  But it doesn't touch on how a lie about rape ultimately undermines a claim of rape.  In fairness it wasn't relevant to the plot but at the same time I do wish it was touched upon.  It's hard enough for women that were raped to come forward.  When a woman cries rape for her own gain it undermines the claim for all, making people that little bit less trustworthy of the next woman to claim she was raped because the last person they knew lied about it.  There is just no winning for anyone when rape is claimed when it didn't really happen and while IN TOO DEEP does touch upon most of it I do think it would have been just that little bit stronger if it broached undermining as well.

Irrespective of the lie it is pretty awful what Sam goes through when people believe it, especially at the hands of Carter's friends who believe his story blindly.  If it were true they'd still be doing the same thing and while it was rough to read something like that I think it's unfortunately accurate.  Rape is belittled constantly when it has actually happened so it's no surprise that Sam suffered the things she did at the hands of the buddies of her supposed rapist.

It's hard to say that Sam is a likable character because she cried rape and then perpetuated the lie due to peer pressure and a need for vengeance but I didn't dislike her.  I didn't find her reprehensible or a disgusting human being.  She's a girl that was scorned by an incredible douche bag.  That doesn't make what she did right but I think it explained enough to make me believe it, especially when the other girls bring in their own stories.  Yes, Carter was a douche and yes even I, reading this, felt just a little bit of joy seeing the high and mighty knocked from his pedestal.  But rape is a devastating tag and not even the biggest of douche bags deserve to have that kind of lie haunting them for the rest of their lives.  It only succeeds in ultimately turning the douche into a victim and garnering him sympathy.  Kind of the adverse effect.

I found the end wholly satisfying because everything worked out how I felt it should for everything that had happened.  For a while there I was a little afraid that it would tank, that I'd end up with another ACCOMPLICE that had me raging.  It didn't.  All of the repercussions you'd expect to happen do and it feels right.  Lessons are learned at great cost and life goes on for all.  Sickly sweet need not apply.  The end is rather ugly but it's deserved and what's even better Sam knows it and accepts it.

IN TOO DEEP delves into an aspect of a dark event that I don't think too many people do.  Everyone's always so focused on the real act of rape that they don't consider what an unsubstantiated accusation can do to someone.  I like it for it's difference in that regard.  That's not to impugn rape but look at it from another angle where things aren't what they seem.  The Duke lacrosse scandal is probably the most prominent example of something similar to IN TOO DEEP.  It's a good read and immensely satisfying, as odd as it sounds.  I'm a fan of characters suffering realistic repercussions for their actions.


Ban Factor: Medium - Reading would need to be involved in this one to find the references to high school sex and drinking.  On the surface it might not set off too many alarms although they may be intrigued to see how a liar suffers.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

But i Love Him by Amanda Grace + Giveaway

Published May 8th, 2011.

Author website.

Ann was a smiling straight-A student and track star. But after she meets Connor, it all changes. She surrenders everything to be with him, and by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high-wire act. One mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything--and everyone--in its path. (goodreads.com)

At the beginning I was really afraid that I wasn't going to be able to finish because of Ann's voice. Just this very submissive, rationalizing, excuse-making person telling this story and that was ALL of the story (meaning no sidebars or alternate lines, just pure domestic violence for 90% of it), I didn't know if I could take it. Not because it was so hard to read but because it was so infuriating. Weakness angers me and to read about girls and women in this situation really irks me because they just lay down and take it. I don't understand why. Of course there's a psychological reason and all of that, personal history and whathaveyou. But how can a person get to such a low point that they equate love with physical and verbal abuse? I can sympathize but I'm nowhere near empathizing. I seriously don't think I'm capable because it's a notion that's so far from my logic center that I can't comprehend.

And this is coming from someone that has had domestic abuse in her family (an aunt), someone who died from that abuse. I support groups that advocate for abused women and children. But it doesn't mean I don't look at it and go "why do you allow this?" I can't help it. Why do these women see themselves as so worthless?

And you really see it in Ann. And Connor's mom. It's a cycle you knew would be there, Connor growing up in a violent home where his father railed on him and his mother, where he protected his mother as opposed to the other way around. This was built as a means of garnering some level of understanding or sympathy for Connor, to show him as something more than just an abuser. He has a history. This may explain why.

Except for me it's making excuses for him. It's removing his choice to stop the violence and making him, really, not all that responsible for his actions. I can't accept that. Throughout the book Connor was so adamant to not be like his father but he fell right into the trap. He didn't HAVE to hit Ann. He didn't HAVE to devalue her like he watched his father do to his mother. But he did. After caring for his mother the whole time, he CHOSE to inflict the same pain on Ann. Sorry, but that's what I believe. Being a wife-beater isn't a genetic disorder or a heredity disease. While I'm not denying passing on personality traits, flying fists, to me, don't fit in that realm. Punching is not an involuntary biological reaction. Insulting someone isn't an involuntary biological reaction. People CHOOSE to do these things.

Ann is a very lonely girl. When her father died her mother basically retreated into herself and shut Ann out. Ann says that her mother had barely acknowledged her in years, no hugs, no I love yous, nothing. That is a terrible way to be raised and it's really no wonder she fell into the first relationship she came upon with a guy. And she fell hard and fast. Someone that starved for affection? Connor was the perfect sponge for her. Too bad he was a douche. But even with all of that, I still don't understand why she stayed.

The story is told backwards, according to the information in the back of the book, in order to get a better perspective on the situation. Grace/Hubbard claims that stories like this in chronological order can get people victim-blaming because you get to see the events unfold and you can pick out where the relationship went wrong. When it's backwards that moment becomes unclear and you can't really see where it went too wrong. Is there one major moment? No. But Connor's possessiveness and control issues at the beginning should have been a clue. Except that's what Ann wanted, to some extent. Connor loves her after a month? Yes! Finally, love! Any love! I'm not saying she asked for any of this but someone that starved for attention probably wouldn't see what the real deal was until it was far too late. And that was the case with Ann.

It wasn't a bad story but I have a hard time connecting with these types of tales to begin with, as I said above. They interest me but the overarching story and the voice really need to hit right for it to blow me away. I really wasn't blown away by BUT I LOVE HIM but it's definitely an eye-opening book. No one should have to go through this and I hope any woman that reads it takes something away from it. Some little sticky note of a sign that she can reference later. It was difficult to see Ann get beaten over and over again but for me it was even harder to watch her sit there and take it. I still can't stop asking why. Even though it didn't strike me as hard as others on a purely personal level, I'd still recommend BUT I LOVE HIM to pretty much anyone. It's still a good book.


Ban Factor: High - A teen girl gets the snot beat out of her. This topic is far too graphic for banner children.

Giveaway time!!!

Want my copy? Then just fill out the form below for your chance to win.
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  • Giveaway ends April 4th at midnight, EST.

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